"I Saw This And Thought Of You Jon"

The Appliance of Love

One Night. One Hundred Buses.

Photo via Djibnet

You may have noticed that I wasn't around much last week. There was speculation that this was because I was having a moustache transplant. Nothing could be further from the truth. I was actually looking at bus timetables and playing with my stopwatch. I can't go into too many details, but next year, probably in April, I will be attempting to catch 100 London buses. In one night. Just to get home. Call me intuitive, but you are probably wondering why? This is the bit I can't tell you just yet. So I would ask you to bear with me for a few weeks. Or just get me very drunk.

Oh. I might need 99 people to help me. Especially ones with Oyster Cards. Yes, I thought that would interest you.

If you are on facebook, you can keep up with it all here.

This Is Me

Ten days in and Movember has finally turned ginger. And yes, it did just happen at 3.54pm today. I am so, so tempted to shave it off. Mainly because it makes me look like a tit. But you seem to be amused by it. So far I have been compared to Rufus Hound, Keith Lemon and half the village people. The top half I presume. It's a tough decision.

Is This Me?

From 7 Reasons comes this picture. It looks like me. But it isn't me. Anyone know who it is? It has 'book sequel' written all over it.

Edit: In fact, I am so sure this looks like me I am going to post it to my facebook profile and see if anyone picks up on it or not.

Edit 2: It took 42 seconds before someone commented 'This isn't you is it?' #Experimentfail

Introducing Roughneck Vinnie

Something rather odd happened to me this morning. I suppose I knew it was coming. I had read about this kind of thing happening to people like me. People who examine their moustache in the reflection of an office window. I just didn't expect it to happen so soon. Not that I didn't feel I was ready. I was. I am. It was just...unexpected.

I, Jonathan Lee, was asked to appear in a film. Or at least that is what I assumed I was being asked when the bloke started talking to me about The Hot Potato, "a 'caper' movie in the great British tradition of The Italian Job and The Wrong Arm of the Law". I assumed he was lining me up for the part of Roughneck Vinnie, a gangster living the high life in Fulham, driven by thoughts of revenge over his stolen bicycle. But, as I snapped back to reality from thoughts of red carpets and appearances on Friday Night with Jonathan Ross, I realised that the bloke still hadn't mentioned Roughneck Vinnie. He hadn't even mentioned bicycles. In fact he wasn't talking about the plot at all. He was talking about money. And rather than talking about how much he was going to pay me, he seemed to be asking me how much I was prepared to give him. I bet Jason Statham never had to put up with this crap.

After telling me that he would love it if I gave him a few thousand pounds (or "get involved" as he phrased it) the bloke walked away, leaving me very much alone with my thoughts, moustache and an envelope. I opened the envelope to find the above. The Hot Potato cast list. A list, I think we can all agree, I should be on. It's not a bad list. Ray Winstone is on it. He's quite good. As is Michael Clarke Duncan. The thing is all these people aren't really in the cast at all. They are just reading the script. Which, I assume, basically means the script has been posted to their agents. I was more than a little disappointed. I was quite a lot disappointed. I don't want to invest in something that can't guarantee me Ray Winstone. Especially something called The Hot Potato which brings back painful memories of primary school music lessons. Lessons in which we had to pass a tambourine around in a circle and if the music stopped when we held it we had to stand up and make some sort of rhythmical routine. No. If you are going to make such approaches to me on Victoria Street you are going to need a better film name, have Ray Winstone confirmed and signed up (or a photo of Sandra Bullock that I can keep) and guarantee me the safe return of my bicycle. I don't think that is too much to ask.

Thirty Days To Look Like Daniel Day-Lewis

My previous post was annoying me. Everytime I logged in I was trying to kiss myself. Lacking the necessary narcissistic qualities, it made me uncomfortable. So I am glad that we all have something else to stare at now. Me. Now, I realise the above moustache doesn't look very realistic. That's because it's fake. This is about to change though. My friend Rachel (who incidentally writes this non-moustache related blog here) decided that I should grow the real thing. I suspect many girls also think the same. So I will. I am going to take part in Movemeber - the now annual moustache growing event in aid of The Prostate Cancer Charity. I dare say I will be updating you with my progress here (unless it goes ginger), but you can also follow the growth of something beautiful on the Movember site. As things stand, I am most inspired by the moustachio works of Daniel Day-Lewis. This is what I am going for. Until I change my mind next Wednesday.

Oh, I also have to find myself a Mo Sista. Apparently I am a Mo Man. I am not entirely sure what a Mo Sista is required to do, but I imagine moral support and stroking are in there somewhere. You can apply below. Thanks.

Ladies Only

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This week has been a bit mental. And surreal. As a result, I have yet again been lax when it comes to updating this blog. I feel especially bad since I promised there would be things to read on here yesterday. There weren't and you rightly complained. I don't break promises twice in two days though and so I am living up to the promise I made yesterday.

To be honest, I don't have to know whether you join in or not. Some things are best left not said. On the other hand I am available if you require personal tuition. X

Make Time. Read Blog.

I once did something very silly. I told someone to start a blog. Now, I admit that the silliness of this move may not be immediately apparent, so let me explain. There is only so much time left in the world. I don't know how much time exactly - my Cub Scouts handbook was particularly vague on this subject - but I imagine it to be somewhere between 16 hours and 2 million years. As a result we only have so much time to do things. Like brush our teeth. Ignore 'reality' television. And read blogs. This blog. By recommending someone else starts a blog gives them a piece of the world's time; and thus gives you less time to read my blog. Sorry about that. It was a badly thought out move. The good news is, though, that I have learnt from that mistake. I won't be telling anyone else to start a blog.

So when Marc asked me whether I would like to collaborate with him on a new blog, I naturally said 'No'. The problem was that Marc was not in earshot and so all he got was an email saying 'Yes'. Taking things at face-value, Marc decided I really meant 'Yes'. As a result we have created 7 Reasons. A bit like Ronseal, it does exactly what it says on the tin. Makes the dull shiny. Everyday we'll be taking a look at topical topics or random randomness and giving you seven reasons, erm, why. For example, 7 Reasons Why France Like Their Onions. Basically, think of it as a self-help guide.

And it all starts over here. Tomorrow. Just remember that this is your first love, okay? Thanks.

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